Sunday, January 9, 2011

So I set myself on fire...

Our party had recently gotten back from the caverns, empty handed and mildly frustrated. While Sister Brangwen and I decided to compose ourselves at the inn, Drisnir ran off with a prostitute, claiming that he was going to "save her from her horrible fate by marrying her." I'm glad he's gone,because frankly, I did not care for him. After all, not only did he make fun of my unfortunate lisp, he also constantly reminded me that I was smaller than he was and that at any moment, he could strike me down like a child would step on a prone beetle. If it wasn't for Sister Brangwen, I'm sure he would have killed me for not following his orders. What a fop.
Anyway, Sister Brangwen and I were staked out at the Green Griffin, when another adventuring opportunity presented itself to us. A peculiar elf by the name of Heian Galaradel approached us and offered to buy us drinks. I was personally surprised and delighted by this elf's generosity, so we sat down to sup and converse.
Heian apparently has a secret map to a certain temple which has a hidden elven citadel underneath and he was looking for some adventurers to accompany him on his quest. Since we were low on money and had no other opportunities presenting themselves at the moment, we decided to accompany this distressed elf.
So we set off in the direction of the temple, though before we left, I bought ten pounds of mushrooms (YUM!!!!) and solicited a piggy back ride out of a grizzled old man named Lorenzo. (I'm not particularly fond of Heian at the moment, because he would not give me a piggy back ride. I usually only let handsome human men be my steeds, however, since there were no handsome human men around, I had to look for handsome elven men. Frankly, I am insulted that he refused to give me a piggyback ride. Most men are thrilled to do such for me, especially since I give them money in return.) Heian hired on Lorenzo to be our porter as well.
So, without further ado, we set off towards the temple. It was a ruined temple of Epona. It broke my heart to see how distressed the temple was, but something struck me as not quite right, so I scoped the area out for traps. I found none, but got a few sneers from the elf.(What a jerk!)
At first glance, there seemed to be no discernible entrances to any lower levels of the temple, however, Sister Brangwen got the amazing idea of moving the alter out of the way. So, after much pushing and hard labour, we managed to find a set of stairs leading into the underbelly of the temple and perhaps the hidden elven citadel...
After carefully inspecting the area for traps, we set off down the stairs. At the bottom, there was a landing and some goblins. I tried talking to them, but for some reason, I just made them angrier. (Must have been something I said.) Needless to say, we killed all but one(he ran off to warn the others).
After hastily searching the corpses for treasure, we chased after that rogue goblin. We found him in a nearby room, being smacked by what appeared to be his commanding officer. Though I felt bad for the poor goblin, I systematically delivered an arrow in each of their heads, receiving praise from both party members. (I suppose Heian is alright...)
The next room we found ourselves in contained two doors and a sarcophagus. One door was sealed, but the other was open and ready to go. I told my buffleheaded friends that it was a bad idea to open the sarcophagus and that the dead should be left alone, but did they listen? Of course not... So, we got attacked by an animated devotee of Epona.
At first, I tried to use my arrows to dispose of this hideous monster, but for some reason, they did not seem to phase the beast. So, I prepared an oil bomb. It took a while, and that horrible creature was attacking my best friend, however I finally got the bomb ready and threw it. The problem was, I must have let it sit too long because the vile bottle broke in my hand as I was getting ready to throw it and burning oil ran down my arm. Those burns hurt pretty badly, reminding me that my plan to purify the area with fire had failed. (I still have the scar on my right arm.) Finally, I drew my short sword and hacked at the thing. Sister Brangwen finally delivered the death blow. (Go her!)
Her and Heian began to argue about where we should go next. Heian wanted to press on, but Sister Brangwen, being the sound and rational woman she is, told him we should go back to a safe area to check on my arm. He said, and I quote, "It's her own damned fault she burned her arm." Puh! I was only trying to help, though I guess his words were true.
Meanwhile, while Brangwen and Heian were arguing, a bunch of fire beetles came out of the blue and began chomping on us. It startled me to see Heian get brought down so quickly and made me think twice about being so blunt with him. Then, the next thing I knew, Brangwen fell as well and I was surrounded. I managed to take a few of them out, however, they overwhelmed me and knocked me out in the end. As the warm black fog consumed me, I lamented at what a horrible end I was coming to. After all the gold I had obtained and the monsters I had slain and the mushrooms I had eaten, only to become beetle food.
I came to in the room with the commander and his soldier (or where we found them). Lorenzo had apparently ganked the remaining beetles with an oil bomb and had patched us up. I'm so grateful to him, even if he expects a huge bonus for saving our lives. He deserved it after all.
So, we are all right, though we nearly met our end. And I set myself on fire....

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